I’m 40 years old, and I’m an actor in Los Angeles.
That’s still how I introduce myself, by the way. Not “bartender.” Not “service industry.” Actor.
Even though most nights, I’m behind a bar pouring drinks for people who just moved here and still believe everything I used to believe.
I came to LA in my 20s. I had that same energy, like I was inevitable. Like it was just a matter of time before things clicked.
And to be fair… I got close.
A couple callbacks. A few “almosts.”
The classic line: “It came down to you and one other guy.”
If you stay here long enough, you’ll hear that sentence more times than you’d like.
Now I work nights. I know regulars by their drinks. I smile, I joke, I remember names. I’m good at it. Better than I ever thought I’d be.
Sometimes people ask if I’ve been in anything.
I usually say, “Yeah, a few things,” and then change the subject.
It’s easier than explaining a life that almost happened.
Every once in a while, I’ll catch a glimpse of a billboard on my drive home, some actor smiling down at the city like they figured it out.
I always wonder how many years they were where I am now… or if they ever were.
The thing is, I don’t hate my life. That’s the strange part.
It’s not what I imagined, but it’s… something.
And I still go to auditions. Not as many. Not with the same fire. But I go. Because in LA, there’s this idea that never really leaves you: that you’re one audition away.
I don’t know if that’s hope… or just something we tell ourselves so we don’t quit.
But I’m still here. So I guess that means something. If you have the same dreams, at least try, I guess.. Don’t get discouraged by my lines. Never trying might be worse for some of us in the end. After all, you might have more talent and luck.
My story isn’t over yet either.
.. this pretty much sums up the spirit of L.A..
vibes